Lone Star State Of Mind

Four months into the Lone Star State, and the one thing that's got me realizing that fact the most is the one thing I probably hated the most (but never realized until now) about being in Texas...

the heat.

When it's 9:00 in the evening and it's still 91 degrees outside, that's disturbing.

But, for all sakes and purposes, this is home. As previously established, this is where my roots are. For better or worse. And in wasting time and energy thinking about this topic soooo much, all while sweating on my bed at this midnight hour, my mind has gone to an unhappy place:

Is Texas, despite all it has going for it, really as great as my fellow Texans and I are taught (and like) to believe?

{blasphemy!}

Texas nationalism is probably nothing new to most of the people who are bothering to read this. Heck, you know me, though I like to think that I wasn't as bad as some others out there who are REALLY in your face about it. I mean come on, humility is a good thing, right? In Texas, our mountains are kinda lame, you'll need your whole yard's worth of snow to build a decent snowman, our school system... well, yeah, and everybody has a gun. (Though that last one may or may not be a bad thing. Sometime back in the day, some crazy lone gunman decided to hunt people from atop the University of Texas tower. His forced deceasement was rather effectively brought about in large part by gun-toting civilians.) But hey, every state has it's shortcomings. Right? You've gotta go through the bad to really appreciate the good. Or something like that.

But hey, we do have things we are proud of!
Of course!

We quite like chili, and armadillos, and yellow roses. But there are things that we don't just like. We simply revere.

-God. Whereas the national government and court systems are seemingly doing their best to take God out of everything, lest we offend someone, somebody down here saw it fitting that we put Him into more things. This time, into the state pledge of allegiance. In 2007, the line, "one state under God" was added.

-The Alamo. According to a plaque, it's now a shrine. The John Wayne version of the movie was banned in Mexico. (The most recent version just kinda sucked. A lot.)

-The Flag. We fly it at the same height as the US flag and make no apologies for it. (According to various sources, we're actually allowed.) And we fly it everywhere. Sometimes even without an American flag. And sometimes, especially if you're in the Rio Grande Valley, or El Paso, with a Mexican flag. (!)

-The Capitol. We like things big. Ours happens to be bigger (or at least taller) than the nation's capitol in DC.

-The Rodeo. Pecos, Texas. Self-proclaimed home of the world's first rodeo. (I was born there!)

And then there are things that are kind of just ... oops.

-The San Jacinto monument (commemorating Sam Houston's victory over General Santa Anna and his army) is apparently sinking under its own weight.

-The Dallas Cowboys and the Houston Texans. --- At least one of them used to be good. Is that when we start calling things "legendary"?

-The current President Bush. Love him or hate him, he's indirectly ours. Even here, in Midland, where 8 years ago, signs and bumper stickers everywhere proclaimed this as his hometown, childhood home, or simply just as "Bush Country", most of these reminders have quietly gone away. Like a snowflake in July.

*****

Another reason for the mental waywardness behind this whole thing comes from a delightful little tidbit that I was informed of just this week. An old friend/roommate from the old BYU days recently moved down to my homestate. Granted, it's a big state. He and his wife are still at least a 5-hour drive away. But hey, same state...

So, the assumption that those two will ever read this aside, I came across some "friendly advice, freely given" from the interesting mind of Kinky Friedman. I don't know if that's his real name, but that's the name he used when he ran for governor...
"Follow it or you get the death penalty."

Here are some of the highlights:
-Get you a big ol' cowboy hat and some boots. Always remember, the only two kinds of people who can get away with wearing their hats indoors are cowboys and Jews. Try to be one of them.
-Don't be surprised to find plastic sealed bags of giant dill pickles in convenience stores.
-If you should hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey y'all! Watch this!", stay out of his way.
-Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
-It's not "soda" or "pop." It's all "Coke." Unless it's Dr. Pepper.
-Don't pet the dog in the back of the truck. Truck dogs are dangerous weapons.
And finally,
-Don't talk about how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

So, a warm (if not heatstroke worthy and sweat-inducing, even at night) and hearty welcome to my two newest fellow Texans, and anybody else who just came on down. If you're not from here, I hope the summer doesn't kill you. If you are from here, remember, don't ever leave, because then you'll know things are different elsewhere. And then you'll be stuck in the same quandary I am currently in... Are things really better here?

Well, here is where I am. So, I'll try and make the best of it. What else can you do? Even in West Texas...
and in the infinite wisdom of Bowling For Soup, "besides, the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway. Yeah!"

That part's true.